Taylor Swift is so right about you.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
