I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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