the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
