I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The beer is more important than you right now.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
