The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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