and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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