Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
