OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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