You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
