he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
