shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
love makes seman taste better
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
