my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The air was thick with penises
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
