I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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