two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
