she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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