4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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