I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
