I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
