I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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