This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
