I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
