someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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