goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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