if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
