Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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