his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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