A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
