I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
