At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It was confusing and full of hummus
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
