do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
