there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
