dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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