he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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