What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
