he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
