I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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