my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
