I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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