wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
