Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
