hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
