Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
