So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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