PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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