You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
literally had 100 drinks last night.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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