Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
