I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
