I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
