I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
