Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
