there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
